2024, a Memoir

Secret Service members arrived at 9am to what appeared to be your average home in North County. As we set foot onto the property, we were greeted by a very sweet rescue dog. Following shortly in tow was the head of Wildlife Mediation, LeeAnn. LeeAnn had not slept in five days (Baby Season is no joke!). Once LeeAnn was certain that we were not a hallucination, she scuttled us around back and gave us a pep talk equivalent to “Welcome to the fucking show.” In front of us were piles of boxes to be recycled (i.e. incinerated), stacks of crates caked with wild animal feces, and large enclosures housing families of possums (also loaded with feces). Before being beckoned back inside by the mewing of hungry, orphaned wild animal babies, LeeAnn instructed us to dump the decompostable “bits” into the sinkhole conveniently located in the backyard right next to where we had set up shop. I made it my goal for the day to not lose any volunteers to the sinkhole. We suited up with PPE and got to work.

The air was so humid that we were practically drinking it. And we were running through PPE faster than a sleep-deprived nonprofit employee runs through a pack of cigarettes. LeeAnn opens the door to her screened-in porch and walks over to us. She passes a fully-grown ground hog chillin’ in a cat crate. She notices we are short on supplies and is kind enough to hop in her truck to pick us up some more. I offer to drive, on account of her actively hallucinating, but she’s a grown-ass woman capable of making her own decisions. Its not like this is the first time she’s done this, after all.

All-in-all, the Secret Service team cleaned and repaired two enclosures, cleaned about two dozen kennels, broke down shipping boxes, and built two homes for possums to reside in during their rehabilitation.

Some of the animals came out to personally thank us for cleaning up after them.

The staff were also quite grateful. We hope that our efforts provided the staff with an opportunity to sleep at some point, eventually (maybe?). The shower I took afterwards was life-changing.